No one answers your questions of “how-to everything when mom is dying?”.
There are no manuals for such things. by such things I mean feelings of grief, anger, nostalgia, missing mom..
There is no *The how to & when to let go of Mama for dummies* etc…
My mom has been diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer, she had her operation last year a few days before my birthday.
Chemo sessions, ups and downs of fighting, hope, disappointment, facing it, faking it.. probably fear, faith, peace… living, Dying?
How should I know what she has been feeling and what she’s been going through?
All this is speculations. I never really know what she has been thinking or feeling, what she’s been going through day and night for the past year..
-She is in one country, and I am in another…
-so? duh!! planes!
– i know, easy for you to say, but we were born on the wrong side of the world.
– oh! yes indeed, this changes everything.
I am angry, sad, numb, happy, realistic, denying, nostalgic, accepting, hoping, hating… whatever.
I’m not okay with Politics and Politicians most of all! and this is the main source of anger.
I’m feeling too many things all at once, so I’m really not sure of how I feel…
The one thing I’m sure of though is that I am Angry as hell!!
I was born and pretty much raised in that country where my mom and dad are living, and for life-happens reasons, I have been living abroad for many years, first as a student but then as a political refugee.
Here is the problem. my European passport can’t get me nowhere near my mother, just because it says Refugee on it..!
Even though I was born and raised in that country my parents are in, even though they have been living more than half their lives there, even though I still call it home inside my heart, Politicians ruined it for me.
They steal everything.
All those happy childhood memories and happy moments lived and spent in that country are being questioned and jeopardized because of this guilt.
How can I still love and miss a country that denies me the right to be beside my dying mother, because of one word. because of my new label.
Supposedly it is a great matter of national and international security that my Refugee passport doesn’t state the country of my origins on it.
What difference does it make to anyone?
Just incase it did make any difference; at the back of this passport the name of the country where I am taking refuge from is stated and written. so my nationality is Obviously known.
so what kind of sad excuse is this?
Modern Day Slavery my friend. That’s what’s up.
Note: Almost any other country would have given us the nationality and passports just for being born there. but No thank you!
My Homeland tortures and kills my people and ruins our lives, forces those who survived to go live abroad and look for life or something like it anywhere else on this planet but not our own land.
Rejected at birth! (Merci La Allah/thank You God)
The country I was born in denies me a visa to go say goodbye to my dying mama.
I have no idea what else is coming our way but this is complete humiliation and absolute torture.
a new definition for slavery. which is just another way of dying loud and clear because of wars created by/for politicians.